Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
