I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
