I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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