homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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