you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
