Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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