Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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