He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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