do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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