Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
