Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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