High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
