Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize