Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
