I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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