Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
