i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
