and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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