So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
