Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
