her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
