Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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