Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
