I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize