I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just forgot I was standing up.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize