he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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