I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
