just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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