Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
