Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
