Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
