the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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