No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
