sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
