So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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