i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
