dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
