I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
