And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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