i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
