somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
