Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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