dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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