Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
