remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
