the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
