You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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