hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i came on her dog
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
