Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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