Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
