You can't motorboat a personality
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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