i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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