I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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