You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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