Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
