He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
