i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So squirting runs in the family.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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