Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
