It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
