well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
