i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
