His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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