Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
