There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
