While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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