shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So vagazzling was a success
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
