she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
