You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
