You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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