do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
