Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
