I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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