Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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