Christians are straight up FREAKS
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
