The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
