I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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