Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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